Understand (Manus)

UNDERSTAND
By Niklas Gløsen
A film script


















FADE IN FROM GREY


INT. CLASSROOM - DAY


The MC is writing in a notebook with a mechanical pencil
“My name is (Blank) and I don't understand life”
The camera zooms out to reveal several weird characters sitting around him in the classroom, including the front of a car sticking out from one of the walls
The MC has a whole desk, while the other students have small tables in front of them
There is a laptop placed on the right end of the desk
The hands of a clock is spinning wildly around in this shot


TITLE SCREEN - “Understand”


The scene continues with the teacher using the title screen to start his sentence
“...(Understand) what I’m talking about here?”
The MC looks up from his notebook, and asks “what?”
Teacher: “Did you understand what I was talking about?”
The MC looks at the whiteboard in the front of the classroom, which the teacher is pointing to
There is a single, crudely drawn penis on the whiteboard
The MC looks back at the teacher
MC: “No, not really”
The teacher looks judgingly at the MC before turning to pick up a bell to ring it
Teacher: “All right, get the fuck out. Class is dismissed. There is nothing here for you”


TRANSITION
The entire room spins around vertically while the MC remains stationary at his desk


INT. BEDROOM - DAY


The MC sits in front of a window at his desk
The screen of the laptop portrays a vivid scene of the outdoors, resembling what would be seen out of the window
The window shows a word document with the words
“Well, We’ve come this far”
The MC looks down at his notebook to see the words “what are you running from?” scribbled on a new page
The MC sighs, closes the notebook and gets up from his chair, and walks out the door from his bedroom


TRANSITION
The camera follows the main character from the side as he walks through the door to a store setting


INT. STORE - DAY
The MC picks up a basket before walking to the aisles
One of the aisles are on fire
The MC walks to the aisle which is on fire
One of the clerks come up to him as he is looking at the groceries on display
Clerk: “Oh, I don’t know why you would want any of these”
MC: “I think they look nice”
Clerk: “Sure they do, but they’re not really practical are they?”
MC: “They really aren’t but I do like it. You’re not really good at your job are you?”
Clerk: “I am just making suggestions. Again, they are on fire. Sure you wouldn’t like to buy a nice car instead?”
The clerk signals to a car that has been driven through one of the walls, debris is scattered around the vicinity of it
Clerk: “It just showed up one day, not really sure what we’re gonna do about it. We’ve thought about removing it but that would be quite inconsiderate wouldn’t it?”
MC: “Why would it be inconsiderate?”
Clerk: “Are you kidding? It’s one of the main attractions of this store now! Because of that car we are now making record profits!”
MC: “But wouldn’t me buying it effectively make it disappear, as I am probably going to take it away to fix it or something?”
Clerk: “It doesn’t need any fixing. What are you on about?”
The MC notices a ring connected to a string sticking out from behind the clerks ear
Clerk: “What are you looking at?”
MC: “Nothing. What are you on about?”
The MC picks up a burning plant
MC: “Anyway, I will buy this, and I will place it in my bedroom. I will look at it every night, because I find it comforting. It might just keep me up all night and cause me all other kinds of discomforts - but that is none of your business. You might not agree with that but why in the world should I care? I literally just met you and you begin criticizing my buying choices even though your job is to make me buy stuff? Go fuck yourself”
Clerk: “My job is to help you, not make you buy things you do not need. Have a nice day you piece of shit”
The clerk turns around and leaves
The MC stares at the clerk as another customer enters the frame and begins to cough because of the smoke filling up the room


TRANSITION
A swift jump cut to the MC walking in his hallway towards his apartment


INT. HALLWAY - EVENING
The MC carries the burning plant with him as he makes his way to the apartment door
He stops as he hears voices coming from inside his apartment
He sets the plant down next to the wall and puts his ear to the door
Inside 1: “Nothing is going according to plan. Why are we here again?”
Inside 2: “Why are you asking me? I’m not the one who came up with this idea.”
Inside 1: “Well, whose idea was it then? I’m tired of running around in circles like this, we aren’t going to make it if we continue like this”.
The MC slowly reaches for the door handle
Inside 3: “If that’s what you think, maybe you should just give up.”
They all become silent as the MC slowly opens the door to reveal a number of clones of himself discussing amongst themselves in his apartment
With the camera filming the back of his head, they stare at eachother for a few seconds in complete silence.


TRANSITION
Swift jumpcut to MC sitting on a table in the apartment


INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - EVENING



The MC sits on his living room table clutching a knife while smoking a cigarette. His composure is calm. This shot is held for a few seconds.


TRANSITION
Swift jumpcut to MC exiting apartment door


INT. HALLWAY - EVENING
The hallway is now on fire because of the burning plant
The MC carefully closes the door behind him
The front of a car sticks out the wall directly in front of the apartment
The MC begins walking towards a big door at the end of the corridor
Before he reaches the wall he sees a hole in the wall, which seems to have been hastily made with a sledgehammer
Inside the hole there is a victorian-era bathroom
Another clone is sitting in the bathtub
A couple of nails are sticking out of his irises
Clone: “What did you expect was gonna happen? That you could just live your life like usual again? Just *snap* like that? Well guess what fuckface, here we are. And to be honest, it’s mostly your own damn fault and you know that. But you would rather be caught dead before admitting to that, you pathetic waste of life. Are you really that desperate that you can’t wait for another day? I’m through with caring either way. Just walk through that door like you always do.”
The MC looks at the clone before turning towards the door
Clone: “Okay, I see. Try to have fun then”.
The MC has a look on his face showing that he really doesn’t know what is happening, but heads on forward and opens the door.


TRANSITION
Jumpcut to birds eye perspective


INT. STAIRWELL - EVENING

Several people are falling in slow motion down the middle of the stairwell
The MC stands, raising his eyebrows at the sight
Falling man: “Oh, this is rather discomforting. Here I am, falling to my death, and there’s nothing either of us can do to prevent it. Quite tragic, really”
MC: “How did you wind up in this situation? What did you do?”
FM: “I can't seem to recall, but I think it was my own fault. What do you think will happen after I hit the ground down there?”
The MC starts to walk down the stairs to keep up with the man as he falls down
MC: “I… I don’t really know. Is there anything you would like me to say?”
FM: “Oh, I don’t know dear. Something comforting? Something I can relate to so I don’t feel so lonely before I most likely die? Or maybe just share an anecdote from your own life so I can know more about you? Like that I know more about you, and I can die knowing that you might have shared something with me that you haven’t shared with anyone else”
MC: “Well, uh- I, like everyone else, have gone through some depressions in my life. The way I dealt with this was to, at the end of the day, put marbles into a glass jar. These marbles represented every good experience I had that day. I did this to show that even though everything around me seemed bleak and dead there was still something good to experience, and every day the marbles began filling more and more of the jar. Each day, I had more and more good experiences and in the end I couldn’t recall every good experience I had had one particular day. The glass jar still stands in my old bedroom, filled to the brim with marbles. Sometimes they light up, showering the room with light and good memories but sometimes that light fades out and it feels like an eternity until they light up again. How’s that?”
The MC and FM is now close to the bottom of the stairs
FM: “I guess that’s quite… something. Yes, it was definitely something. Thank you for sharing that with me, it explains… actually it explains pretty fucking much about you. I don't really know if I wanted to know that.”
MC: “Uh, sorry I guess?”
The man passes through the floor
The MC looks at the spot the man passed through before casting a gaze at the other people falling down
The MC turns around and exits through the door


TRANSITION
One continuous shot of the MC leaving the building to the street


EXT. CITY STREET - EVENING
The MC stands outside, taking in the sights of the street
The road is filled with people carrying their cars on their shoulders
One person swims through the sidewalk like he is swimming through a pool
Swimmer: “Excuse me, you’re in the way”
MC: “Oh, sorry. How are you doing that?”
S: “Doing what?”
MC: “Swimming through concrete”
S: “All things considered, that’s pretty normal isn’t it?”
The MC looks at the people carrying their cars. They all look back at him in unison.
MC: “...I guess you’re right”
S: “This is how I see reality. You just see it differently”
MC: “... I guess”
S: “You sure do guess a lot”
MC: “I g- Yes. Yes I do. I’m not really certain about a lot of things”
S: “Sucks to be you - I guess”
MC: “Why are you being such a dick?”
S: “Am I being a dick? I don’t really care. I just met you and I don’t really know anything about you. So why should I care?”
MC: “You shouldn’t. I’m leaving”
S: “Allright. Bye now”
The MC starts to walk down the street, turning around the corner of the building
He heads down to a bench located by the outer limits of the city square and sits down
He lights a cigarette, puts it in his mouth and scans the city around him
The statue of a starved child is holding a bright red balloon
“Happy fucking whatever” is written on the balloon
In that moment the sound of glass breaking is heard and several tens of people is heard smacking into the ground at high velocity
The MC cowers at this sudden event unfolding in front of him
There is now a huge pile of bodies
One of them looks up at the MC
Body: “Aren’t you gonna celebrate national suicide day?”
MC: “National what now?”
B: “National suicide day! We celebrate it every wednesday”
MC: “Why would I celebrate that? Isn’t that rather tasteless, and not to mention - stupid?”
B: “Keep your opinions to yourself. We do this because we enjoy it”
MC: “You enjoy suicide?”
B: “Yes siree!”
MC: “...Why?”
B: “You would like to know that wouldn’t you, you little scamp?”
MC: “Yes, I would very much like to know that”
B: “Well for starters, we can’t die. Not really, anyway”
MC: “The people laying here seems pretty dead to me”
B: “They’re not dead! Hey Jeff, this guy thinks we’re dead!”
Jeff lifts his head up from the ground and looks at the MC
J: “Hah! If only!”
Jeff lays back down
B: “See? I mean, someday we might die. But not from this. We are doing this because it’s exciting and it makes the other tasks seem easy in comparison. It’s kinda like building immunity. Our hearts tell us to do it”
MC: “Well… If you guys enjoy it, I’m happy for you”
B: “Oh, we do. It’s something to do at least. Wanna try it out?”
MC: “I’ll pass”
B: “All right, let us know if you change your mind”
MC: “...Will do. Goodbye for now”
The MC gets up from the bench and tiptoes through the people spread out over the asphalt
In the middle of the street, a giant forest has taken over
In front of the forest stands a girl about the age of the MC
Girl: “Have you seen the lake inside this forest? It’s very picturesque! I have wanted to see it for a long time, but I don’t want to go in there alone! I know this is a weird thing to ask, but do you want to go see it with me?”
MC: “Sure, I was thinking of walking through here anyway, and a little company along the way would be nice”
G: “Great!”
They head into the forest together


TRANSITION
Cross-fade


EXT. FOREST - EVENING
As they are heading into the forest their surroundings grow increasingly darker
G: “You know what? I don’t really care for pools. I was never that good at swimming.”
MC: “Really? Why haven’t you taught yourself how to swim? You just have to do it a little bit each day for a long period, and then it will get easier”
G: “It’s not that easy. I mean, it’s doable, no doubt, but actually having the motivation to do so? Not that easy. Are you good at swimming?”
MC: “I do know how to swim, yes. If I am any good at it though is another thing entirely. I have received compliments for my swimming, so I can’t be that bad. But there was one time someone sat on my back and commanded me to swim to the other side, I think I was about 8 when this happened? I almost drowned by the time I got to the other side and no one understood why I was so mad at him when we got out of the pool”
G: “Did you explain why you were so mad?”
MC: “I couldn’t, I was so mad that I had no words, I only screamed and gasped for air. I mean, it probably also had something to do with the fact that I had no air in my lungs, but still”
G: “(Chuckling) That’s a solid reason! I also almost drowned in a pool once too. When I was younger I jumped directly into the deep end of the pool. I don’t really know why I did it when my parents had told me strictly not to do exactly that. I guess I had something to prove or something. So I jumped in and it proved instantly to be too much for me. I tried to keep my head above the water but I couldn’t and it felt as if something was dragging me down. I’m not quite sure I ever got out of that pool”
MC: “...That’s rough”
G: “Nice addition to the conversation there champ”
They walk in silence for a few seconds
G: “There’s the lake!
A big open area free of trees with the lake in the middle is seen in front of them
Buildings are seen in the distance
A hospital bed is seen by the edge of the forest
G: “Let’s sit down on this log here”
MC: “It seems pretty wet though”
G: “It’s fine”
They walk over to the log and sit down
G: “What are you thinking about?”
MC: “...Stuff”
G: “If you weren’t thinking about stuff you’d be dead. Please be a little bit more specific than that”
MC: “Do you think anyone has drowned in this lake?”
G: “That… is an interesting thought? Why did you think about that?”
MC: “I don't know! You were the one who asked me what I was thinking about so there you go!”
G: “Do you fear drowning?”
MC: “Yes, who doesn’t? It seems like one of the worst ways to go. Your last moments are filled with panic and confusion, while trying to keep yourself afloat. I mean, we have both experienced near drowning - not a very pleasant experience is it?”
G: “You do have a point there, it’s not very pleasant”
As she says this the suicidal crowd that jumped from the building come seeping out from inbetween the trees
The MC turns his head to look at them
MC: “Oh? What are you guys doing here?”
Falling man: “We’re going to try to drown in this lake”
MC: “...I see”
The crowd does not remove their clothes before walking out into the lake
FM: “Are we ready for this?”
Crowd: “Yes”
The crowd begins to spread out in the lake, some swimming to reach out to the outer edges
FM: “We haven’t been successful thus far, but I believe we will be able to do it now! The love that is in our hearts dictate that it will work this time. All the other times we’ve failed were not really failures because we’ve learned from them and we will use that knowledge to our advantage”
Crowd: “All hail love and peace!”
FM: “That’s correct! Do unto those you love no evil and punish the ones who have done those you love wrong”
Crowd: “Kill them!”
FM: “BECAUSE OUR HEARTS HAVE TOLD US SO!”
CROWD: “OUR HEART IS CORRECT!”
The girl and the MC stares at them dumbfounded
FM: “DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING THEY WOULD LIKE TO CONFESS?”
The crowd falls silent
This silence lasts for a few seconds
One man starts walking out of the lake towards the leader
Man: “Yes, I do”
The crowd stares intently at him
FM: “What would you like to confess my child?”
M: “I murdered your mother this morning”
No one speaks
M: “I had been thinking about it for a while now. It seemed like such a logical thing to do. She was such a fucking bitch. How couldn’t you see that? Are you really that vain that you only see what you want to see in other people? I told her I was meeting you there to have a meeting, so she let me in and made me tea. Why did she let me in that easily? Stupid fuck. After a bit of chatting about nothing I took out a pair of scissors and stabbed her four times. In my eyes I was doing you a favor but in retrospective it might have been wrong of me. But it was the feelings I had in my heart at that time”
Silence
FM: “I-I see. It was the feelings in your heart. But those feelings does not give you permission to do such a thing. I am sorry”
The leader pulls out a gun and shoots the man in the head
He falls over dead
The leader stares up at the sky, trying to hold back tears
FM: “...Hey”
He says to the MC
MC: “W-what?”
FM: “What does your heart tell you?”
MC: “I’m scared”
FM: “Me too”
He then puts the gun to his head and shoots
The rest of the crowd pulls out their own guns and shoot themselves too
The girl and MC sits there in silence
A dark orb is now surrounding them, coming closer every second
G: “So… what do we do now?”
MC: “I don’t know.”
The orb comes closer
G: “Are you really scared?”
MC: “Yes”
The orb is now within 20 meters of them
G: “Would you like a hug?”
MC: “...Yes”
The girl leans over to him and hugs him tight
The orb begins to pull back
The MC holds her tighter until the orb disappears
G: “Too bad this can’t last”
MC: “Wha-”
As he begins to speak his vision fades and he begins to fall down


TRANSITION
Jumpcut


INT. BEDROOM - EVENING
The MC stands next to the bed clutching his chest
MC: “No, not now, not this”
As he says this his vision becomes blurry and he can no longer focus on his surroundings
And then it hits him
Time stops and it feels as if the 1 second moment it hits is playing over and over again
He can’t get out
His vision spins around, starting at the bottom, swinging upwards and starting at the bottom again
Time seems non-existent at this point
He gets down on his knees and puts his hands up to his face
In the distance, laughing is heard - Laughing at him
Person 1: “What is he doing?”
Person 2: “Hahaha, I don’t know!”
MC (Thinking): “Please help me”
As he lays there he feels a spiral dragging him down
Further and further down
The laughing becomes silent and slowly turns into worry
P1: “Wait, do you think he is okay?”
P2: “I-I don’t know”
P3: “Should we help him?”
The MC’s pride is slowly getting picked apart bit by bit as the pain becomes stronger and stronger
The worry becomes stronger as the MC begins slamming his head into the wall while lying beside the bed
The worry grows into panic
P1: “YOU HAVE TO GET UP!”
P2: “(BLANK!)
P3: “(BLANK!)
P4: “(BLANK!) YOU HAVE TO GET UP!”
The speed is now too much to bear
The voices are so far away
It feels as if the MC’s own body is trying to devour him
Trying to make him become nothing
As the pain is at it utmost a worried and tired voice is heard
P5: “(Blank…)
Blackout


TRANSITION
Dip to black


INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
The MC wakes up next to his bed
A glass of water sits next to him
Everything in the room is white
The MC notices something in his pocket
It’s his notebook
He opens it up and finds this scribbled on it
Notebook: “Remember the time when you walked around with another notebook and scribbled down all your thoughts in it? Why do you only write fragmented thoughts in me? You even wrote profiles for those you considered your friends. It became your foundation, the thing you looked at when everything else was taken away by the storm. I don’t know that much about you. But I noticed you wrote the word altruistic in me. Don’t bullshit yourself. You’re not strong enough to be altruistic. You don’t want to make the world a better place, you are doing this for your own gain. You might work a lot and gain compliments for it - but in the end, the light you emit is just a distraction from the ugly source. And you try your best to hide that. In fact, I reckon you would rather be caught dead than admitting to that. But you’re never going to change, so there’s no use in telling you this. You’re only going to make things worse for yourself. Just bury yourself in work and forget everything else exists. Or you could check your phone right now”
Without hesitation the MC checks his phone
It’s a message from the girl he met in the forest
G: “Come meet me by the cliffside”
The MC sits there for a moment
He sits up and looks at the mirror
The reflection of himself is holding a gun in his mouth

The MC begins running frantically away from the reflection
He makes his way out of the apartment while stumbling over everything
As he runs, the environment around him begins to gain it’s color back
A burning car is parked outside the front door
He runs past it
He runs towards the cliffside
The cliffside is now within reach and the MC’s breath is almost gone
As he comes closer to the top he sees the girl
G: “Hello again, (Blank)”


TRANSITION
Dip to black


EXT. CLIFFSIDE - NIGHT
The girl sits next to the MC on a bench as they gaze out at the city below them
MC: “I don’t understand anything of what is going on around me. I think I might never do”
G: “Never?”
MC: “I mean, it might get better and I might just turn my entire life around and build myself a nice little facade while telling myself everything will be okay. But that’s what my life has always been and for the foreseeable future, always will be”
G: “Everything doesn’t have to be a facade. Your interpretation of life is genuine and you make it what you want to. Life is weird that way. If you believe it, you can make it true in your head. And it’s what's in your head that counts because that’s what everyone’s life is: What goes on in their head”
MC: “That… makes a lot of sense. I still don’t know what I am going to do at all though - I take a lot of chances and spend the most of my time outside of my own comfort zone, but that still doesn’t make me happy”
G: “If you’re not willing to be happy, you will never be”
MC: “...”
G: “You can’t count on everyone else making you happy”
MC: “But what about this feeling of emptiness? Will it still be there when I’m older?”
G: “Yes. But you can fill it with something. There might be a hole in your chest, but you can fill it with things you enjoy. You can try to fit a television in there, just stuff it right in there. Or - you could run around and listen to the whistling sound it makes when you run fast enough”
MC: “That’s a funny way of looking at it”
G: “I guess it is”
MC: “But… I’ve found out that you make me happy. Amongst all this chaos you feel like a rock I can hold on to”
G: “I am not a rock. I am more like… driftwood. For now we may float alongside each other in this weird river that we have no idea of where is going. But later I will be gone, and we will float in different directions.”
MC: “I wish things could last forever”
G: “They don’t. But for now let’s enjoy this weird fucking world we live in”
MC: “Yeah… I like that idea”
They look into each other's eyes before leaning closer in towards each other and sharing a kiss


G: “What are you thinking about?”
MC: “...I don't know. I have head filled with 1000 thoughts and a stomach with 1000 needles right now”
G: “We all do, to an extent. The chaos that breathes down our necks every damn second for every action that we make gets the best of us sometimes. But I know there is something you want to say”
MC: “I love you”
Pause
G: “I am sorry. That’s not what I wanted to hear right now. The chaos is too much for me to take right now. Letting you into that would be cruel”
MC: “Will the chaos ever let go?”
G: “I don’t know. Don’t wait on me”
MC: “Ok”
They return to looking at the city beneath them, the light slowly dimming off in every building
G: “Can’t things go back to the way they used to be?”


TRANSITION
Jumpcut


EXT. OCEAN - DAY
The girl and the MC is still sitting on the same bench, but is now sitting on top of the ocean surface
G: “Right?”
MC: “What?”
G: “Are you really there?”
MC: “What are you talking about?”
G: “Oh my god, I think it is really happening”
MC: “What is going on? What is happening?”
In the distance a giant wave is seen
MC: “I… can’t move. I’m stuck”
G: “Nothing is there”
MC: “This can’t be happening”
The wave builds in size and speed as it approaches
MC: “Please… no…”
G: “Here I am, falling to my death and there’s nothing either of us can do to prevent it. Quite tragic, really”
The MC tries to speak but nothing comes out, his movements become sluggish and unpredictable
G: “I-”
The wave crashes into them






Se neste verk: Dikt, uten navn

Understand (Manus)

Niklas Gløsen

Niklas Gløsen

1 år, 1 måned siden (589 besøk)

Et veldig personlig prosjekt.

Månedens TrafoTalent november 2016

Jeg er totalt overveldet over de mange bidragene jeg har gått gjennom i løpet av november- det er virkelig ikke mangel på skaperkraft der ute, og det i alle sjangre.. tekst, lyd, bilde m mer! Jeg har valgt å særlig trekke fram ett verk- og ikke nødvendigvis fordi det er det beste… jeg er egentlig ikke tilhenger av konkurranser når det gjelder kunst, være seg innen et spesifikt medium eller ei.

Dette da et kunstnerisk uttrykk er- nettopp det, et kunstnerisk uttrykk- og det som er mer interessant for meg å bedømme er hvorvidt et verk går hele veien i sitt eget uttrykk. Så dette er ikke en vurdering av et verk med mest kvalitet (et begrep jeg heller ikke har spesielt sansen for), men jeg har rett og slett valgt å plukke fram et verk som jeg synes har så mye potensiale i seg, originalitet, og et ønske om å formidle- at jeg tenker jeg selv som filmskaper og manusforfatter her forhåpentligvis kan bidra med en refleksjon til å utvikle dette kunstnerskapet videre.

En lang intro, men jeg vil altså trekke fram manuset Understand av Niklas Gløsen, og her følger en tekst som ikke nødvendigvis kun er en forklaring av hvorfor jeg valgte dette verket, men teksten er også ment å fungere som en ‘critique’ av teksten som du som skaper forhåpentligvis kan dra nytte av, Niklas.

Først, jeg er mektig imponert av dine tankebaner… tankespinn… assosiasjonsrekker… rablerier… surrealistiske universer- m mer! Synes denne teksten har et stort potensiale og kan bli til et veldig interessant filmprosjekt med litt bearbeidelse. Jeg liker narrativer uten sterke plott, og flere av scenene dine tar meg fullstendig med storm. Prosjektet har en fin helhet og jeg synes at uviklingen fra start til slutt faktisk fungerer veldig bra, noe som er sjeldent i en så lite virkelighetsnær fortelling. Jeg synes mange av overgangene dine er veldig sterke, og det er mye originalitet i ideene dine. Noen av mine favorittelementer er selvmordsgruppa og den underfortalte (hvilket er bra!) kjærlighetshistorien som hovedpersonen etterhvert befinner seg i. Jeg liker også veldig godt at det primært ikke er en kjærlighetshistorie, men et møte mellom to mennesker som ikke passer inn i den særs komplekse virkeligheten de befinner seg i. Måten du berører fragiliteten i tilværelsen og nærheten til det forgjengelige på, er for meg utrolig sterkt og …modent, og jeg må si at alderen din overrasker meg stort. Også detaljen med marmorkulene står ut for meg som et sentralt og sterkt element (som evt kan videreutvikles noe.) Men, det er noen essensielle ting som må ryddes opp i for at en leser (les finansiør, skuespiller, samarbeidspartner o.l) skal kunne få et overblikk over hva for en fortelling det er du vil vi skal komme inn i, og for at vi skal være i stand til å visualisere scenene dine mens vi leser.

Sceneanvisninger: Hver scene (og også hver ny karakter som introduseres), må beskrives ́fysisk ́. Last ned et manus fra nett, og se hvordan dette vanligvis gjøres. For dette brukes som oftest en nokså rigid oppskrift, for at en leser kjapt skal kunne forstå konteksten du som skaper ønsker å bringe oss inn i. Jeg tenker at dette særlig kan være viktig i ditt tilfelle, som lener deg så sterkt på surrealistiske bilder og universer.

Ellers, lurer jeg også på hvorfor teksten er skrevet på engelsk. Og, hvorfor MC er en MC? Jeg synes ikke dette rettferdiggjøres (eller brukes) godt nok i fortellingen. Liker sekvensen der tekstene hans kommer inn i historien, men skulle gjerne sett dette sterkere og oftere. Kanskje kan tekstene hans til og med bli til omgivelsene og omvendt.

Et siste råd: Ikke len deg alt for mye på det surrealistiske. Det sterke i prosjektet er hovedpersonens reise gjennom de ulike bildene og hans konsekvent fremmedgjorte tilstand. Og jeg vil råde deg til å holde fast på dette. De ulike elementene du bruker kan raskt slå hverandre ihjel hvis det kun er surrealitet på surrealitet… noe som fort resulterer i at de ulike sekvensene får mindre relevans hver for seg. Jeg er for eksempel tilhenger av de mer subtile bildene, og tenker at du kan kutte ut noen scener og/ eller elementer som ikke leder reisen videre. (For eksempel at folk svømmer i gatene… eller, i det minste gi meg en bedre forståelse av hvordan du vil løse dette: vfx eller miming?) Teksten kan til tider oppleves som en slags trip, noe som forsåvidt er greit… men hvis denne følelsen overtar, kan prosjektet miste den tyngden jeg opplever finnes i hovedpersonens utenforhet og hans møte med en annen person i samme tilstand. Arbeider jeg tenker du skal se på, er Alejandro Jodorowskys Holy Mountain og El Topo, Lynch (muligens noe selvfølgelig, men kanskje særlig kast et dobbelt blikk på Inland Empire). Ellers, Emir Kusturicas ́ Underground, Daisies av Vera Chytoliva, Roy Anderssons nylig avsluttede trilogi, og evt også norske Bobby Peers festivalhit ́Sniffer ́. Jeg tenker også at det kunne være interessant for deg (og for eventuelle samarbeidspartnere) om du kunne lage noen skisser til å illustrere noen av scenene du beskriver. Jeg har sett på dine visuelle bidrag på Trafo og tenker at du enten selv kan gjøre dette, eller kanskje du kunne alliere deg med en illustratør/ designer som kan gjøre noen enklere og raske skisser. Noen ganger kan det være interessant å få inn et annet hode til å illustrere egen tekst og kreativitet.

Men mest av alt- gratulerer med et utrolig spennende prosjekt, jeg håper virkelig på å få sett fortsettelsen av denne teksten på et skjerm/ lerrett i framtiden!

Mvh
Sara Eliassen

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